humor


Even though I love seeing my shining Teva smiling at me from my computer screen each time I log on, the show must go on. So, I’ve compiled a short list of old standbys to bridge the gap between mourning and the real world. Hence I give you:

  • Stuff White People Like — with particular attention paid to #3, #17, #40, #41, #75, & #105 amongst the many fine offerings of this site.
  • The Onion — the most accurate news on the web.
  • In Defense of Chick Flicks – just found this today and I can’t agree more. I have been raging all summer that all the multiplex has given me is a pile of Dick Flicks (Hellboy, Raiders, Batman, et. al.) and Momma Mia. What’s a girl to do? So glad I subscribe to #39, because without any #3’s in Santa Fe, I don’t know what I would do!
  1. If (A) I don’t want to have to make the decision to put her down, and (B) I really want her to die peacefully in her sleep, and (C) the world conspires to make happen that which I concentrate energy into, then should I put “Teva dies peacefully in her sleep after an Up Day” on my Vision Board?
  2. When Brent and I are in serious talks about whether or not this is The Time, I start to think about the Monty Python and the Holy Grail skit “Bring Out Your Dead“. A Sample:

Cart Master: Bring out your dead!

Customer: Here’s one.

Dead Person: I’m not dead. . . .

Customer: Yes he is.

Dead Person: I’m not! . . .

Customer: Well, he will be soon. He’s very ill.

Dead Person: I’m getting better!

Customer: No, you’re not. You’ll be stone dead in a moment. . .

Dead Person: I don’t want to go on the cart!

Customer: Oh, don’t be such a baby. . . .

  1. Too bad my artist neighbor stopped smoking pot. A few long, slow tokes blown into her face might make her feel better and stimulate her appetite.

OK – I just stumbled across this article, Meatless Like Me, and I just had to post it! I agree with 95% of it.  I’m not on a crusade to change you (though it would be nice if my way of life were the norm); PETA does not represent me; I, too, think tofu is gross for the most part, but I still eat it; and I would like to have more than a Gardenburger offered on a menu.

Where the author and I diverge is that I don’t believe I could pull the trigger on any animal if I were starving, I make a conscious effort to not buy leather shoes (1 pair of hiking boots and 2 pairs of athletic shoes are my failings), and I have never liked the smell of bacon.  Otherwise, this guy is right on target.  My People!

In my continuing effort to more properly understand the financial markets, I have come across two articles about printing and minting money – which, admittedly, have no financial-advice value but are awfully fun to read.

The first is an exposé of the cotton paper industry lobby successfully pushing their pro-paper agenda on the unsuspecting public, against all sanity and reason, when everyone knows that it is more cost effective to mint coins that will be in circulation longer than a dollar bill and we won’t have to worry about bill rejection from vending machines and car washes.

The second is a rather upsetting story about how the US penny ain’t worth the metal it’s minted on. Upsetting because the Canadian dollar is a coin and it is still worth more than a US dollar… damned Canadians…

Oh, it’s ON!

Today is the first day of the lunar calendar – or Chinese New Year. However, I do not personally know any Chinese. I do, however, have two great friends of mine who are Vietnamese, so we say “Chuk-mun-nam-moi” – or Happy Vietnamese New Year!

Thus begins the Year of the Rat – which is my and many of my friends zodiac sign. When the girls found out I was a Rat, Linna exlaimed, “Ooooohh! That’s good! Rat’s are really smart – the Rat won the race!” Then she started to explain the story of the Jade Emperor’s race:

Many centuries ago, the Chinese had no means to measure time. The Yellow Jade Emperor, the Emperor of Heaven, decided to arrange a contest. He invited all animals to a race on his birthday. The first 12 animals who cross the swift current river and reach the designated shore would be assigned to the 12 Zodiac Years.

The cat and the rat, who were once good friends and poor swimmers, convinced the ox to carry them across the river. Being naive, gullible, good-natured, the powerful swimmer ox agreed. As they were crossing the river, the rat was worried that the cat might win the race; so the rat pushed the cat into the river. This explains why cats hate rats, because they never forgave the rat for the incident. Right before the ox and the rat reached the shore, the rat jumped off the ox’s back and took first place in the race.

Now, I don’t know about you, but this seems sneaky and underhanded to me. Smart, maybe. But devious. This also sounds a little like Cat Propaganda – how do we know that the Rat didn’t win fair-and-square and that the Cat started all of these vicious rumors about the Rat to cover up his own athletic or motivational inadequacies? Could be a setup…

Happy New Year, everyone! Wear red, hand out money to children, eat good food, and realize that you have a second chance to restart those New Year’s Resolutions you started to blow last week!

So, I should be deep into writing my paper this morning (that was assigned yesterday and is due at 8:15 AM, Monday morning. No weekend for the weary), but I received two very clever YouTube clips that I have to pass on:

  • Sexual Consent – Funny for all people (but not for all ages)
  • Law School Musical – Really only funny this morning to me and my classmates, but it gives you a pretty accurate take on my state of mind, these days.

Oh, and expect a flood of clips and jokes around December (specifically tailored for your viewing pleasure, of course). I have about 20 of them from my friend at NASA that I haven’t even been able to open, much less sort through and laugh at…